Lyrics to Take Time to Be Funny Instead of Take Time to Be Holy
We've all had those moments sitting in sacrament meeting or watching general conference when we open our hymn book and suddenly realize a Church song we thought we knew really doesn't mention toilet paper, elephants, or badgers eating squirrels. We've just heard it wrong all along.
We reached out to our readers on Facebook to see what hymn lyrics they've misheard, and we received over 200 comments! Here are some highlights from these funny hymn mix-ups that are too good not to share:
Hymns
"High on the Mountain Top"
Misheard Lyrics:
"When he was little, my Dad thought the words were, 'High on a mountain top, a badger killed a squirrel. Ye Nations now look up, he waves to all the world.' I picture a badger standing on top of a dead squirrel at the top of a mountain every time I hear that song." -Lissa V. Mumford
Actual Lyrics:
"High on the mountain top, A banner is unfurled. Ye nations, now look up; It waves to all the world."
"Dearest Children, God Is Near You"
Misheard Lyrics:
"My cousin Beverly Ririe has a hilarious one. As a child she thought it said, 'cherries hurt you' instead of 'cherish virtue.'" -Kathryn Raphael
Actual Lyrics:
"Cherish virtue! Cherish virtue!"
"We'll Sing All Hail to Jesus' Name"
Misheard Lyrics:
"When my in-laws joined the Church they really thought the first few times that people were 'singing all hell to Jesus' name.'" -Joy Kristen Allen
Actual Lyrics:
"We'll sing all hail to Jesus' name."
"Come, Come Ye Saints"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Come, come ye saints! No toilet paper here!" -Cassandra Rowley
Actual Lyrics:
"Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear."
"Lord, I Would Follow Thee"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'Find in thee my strength, my bacon.' There was a time when I was going through a very hard time and this hymn always made me ugly cry!! So every time we sang it, I was a total emotional wreck. . . . But then one time I literally heard the congregation say bacon!! So there I was like a crazy woman crying and laughing at the same time." -Iracema Pell Schaver
Actual Lyrics:
"Find in thee my strength, my beacon."
"Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel"
Misheard Lyrics:
"We all have work, so don't be a jerk, Put your shoulder to the wheel." -Serena Kay Latimer Young
"Put your shoulder to the wheel, push along. If the wheel goes in reverse, you won't live long!" -Anonymous
"We all have shirts, but no one works." -Greg Sears
"Butcher shoulder to the wheel." -Cassandra Rowley
Actual Lyrics:
"Put your shoulder to the wheel; push along, Do your duty with a heart full of song, We all have work; let no one shirk. Put your shoulder to the wheel."
"Praise to the Man"
Misheard Lyrics:
"When I was younger, I thought we were singing, 'When appeared two Heavenly Beans.' I pictured limas on a cloud." -Tami Allred Patterson
"My youngest used to sing, 'Praise to the man who confused with Jehovah.'" -Natalie Cheetham Martin
"My daughter always sings 'Praise to the Man' and she sings 'Traitors and Titans still fight him in vain!' She is sure she is right AND she says it makes sense because the prophet could totally fight the Titans." -Janice Aarabi
Actual Lyrics:
"When appeared two heavenly beings, God the Father and the Son."
"Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah."
"Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain."
"While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks"
Misheard Lyrics:
"While shepherds washed their socks by night all seated on the ground, the angel of the Lord came and passed the soap around." -Suzanne Malmberg Douglas
Actual Lyrics:
"While shepherds watch'd their flocks by night, All seated on the ground, The angel of the Lord came down, And glory shone around."
"America the Beautiful"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Oh beautiful for spaceship skies." -Sandra Easton
Actual Lyrics:
"Oh, beautiful for spacious skies."
"O Holy Night"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'Holy imbecile tender and mild.' . . . Sounds, terrible but I honestly thought those were the words as a child. Then when I learned what an imbecile was I realized that's got to be wrong." -Josh Amanda Melessa
Actual Lyrics:
"Holy infant so tender and mild."
"Love One Another"
Misheard Lyrics:
"My daughter asked me what a 'shimendo' was after Primary one day. I couldn't figure it out until I asked her to use it in a sentence. She sang, 'By this shimendo, ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.'"-Susan Grant
"When I was little I thought 'by this shall men know, ye are my disciples' in 'Love One Another' was a Hebrew phrase 'shalmeno.'" -Jeanette Meyers
Actual Lyrics:
"By this shall men know, Ye are my disciples, If ye have love, One to another."
"Away in a Manger"
Misheard Lyrics:
"The cattle are blowing the baby away." -Anonymous
Actual Lyrics:
"The cattle are lowing, the poor baby wakes."
"The Spirit of God"
Misheard Lyrics:
"When singing 'The Spirit of God,' my then 5-year-old sang 'Oh Santa' instead of 'Hosanna.'" -Paige Vincent Chesnut
Actual Lyrics:
"Hosanna, hosanna to God and the Lamb!"
"My Country, 'Tis of Thee"
Misheard Lyrics:
"My Country 'tis of thee sweet land of liberty, a flea I see." -Anonymous
Actual Lyrics:
"My country, 'tis of thee, Sweet land of liberty, Of thee I sing."
"Stars Were Gleaming"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Star Wars gleaming, shepherds screaming." -Trish Strebel Mercer
"Ah that singing, hear it ringing, earthworms leaning, Christmas bringing." -Kimberly Bower
Actual Lyrics:
"Stars were gleaming, shepherds dreaming."
"Ah, that singing! Hear it ringing, Earthward winging, Christmas bringing!"
"Love at Home"
Misheard Lyrics:
"In our house 'Love Fat Gnomes' replaces 'Love At Home.'" -Marilyn West
"There is beauty all around, when there is no one home!" -Robbie Baumgardner Stone
Actual Lyrics:
"There is beauty all around, When there's love at home."
"Jesus, Once of Humble Birth"
Misheard Lyrics:
"My sister used to sing 'Jesus once a tumble bird.'" -Merry Paceley
"Jesus wants a humble bird." -Dixie Shumway Maestas
Actual Lyrics:
"Jesus, once of humble birth."
"Count Your Blessings"
Misheard Lyrics:
"When upon life's pillows you are tempest tossed." -Courtenay Mitchell Lance
Actual Lyrics:
"When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed."
"Called to Serve"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Awkward, ever awkward, as we glory in His name." -Kimber Gleave Jepperson
Actual Lyrics:
"Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name."
"We Are All Enlisted"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'We are all enlisted til the conflictasaur.' What kind of dinosaur is a conflictasaur?" -Jill Robbins Fonnesbeck
Actual Lyrics:
"We are all enlisted till the conflict is o'er."
Children's Songbook
"Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam"
Misheard Lyrics:
"For FHE one night, my 5-year-old said he wanted to sing the zombie song. 'The what song?' He said, 'You know . . . Jesus wants me for a zom-bie!'" -Heidi Nielson Larkin
Actual lyrics:
"Jesus wants me for a sunbeam."
"The Thirteenth Article of Faith"
Misheard Lyrics:
"We believe in being honest, true, chased by elephants." -Anonymous
Actual lyrics:
"We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men."
Image from https://selfeducatedconservative.wordpress.com
"The Church of Jesus Christ"
Misheard Lyrics:
"I belong to the church of cheese and rice of latter day snakes." -Ciara Cash
Actual lyrics:
"I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."
"I Am a Child of God"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Has given me an EARTHLING home, with parents kind of weird." -Susan Perkins Appleton
"Has given me an ice cream cone, from parents kind and dear!" -Anonymous
"Has given me an earthly home, with carrots kind and dear!" -Anonymous
"I always thought it was 'I am a child of God, and he has sent me here, has given me an earthly home with parrots kind and dear' and I always pictured friendly green parrots when I sang that." -Nikki Toa Johnson
"I always heard, 'I am a child of God, and he has sent me ears.'" -Dynette Erbe
"Teach me all that I'm a stew to live with Him someday."
"When my second daughter was three she used to sing 'I am a child of God and so my knees are grey.' At first I thought it was cute/funny, but then I thought it was fitting. Our knees should be grey from talking to our Heavenly Father." -Laura Hotchkiss Gordon
"My eldest son when he was 2 years old, he'd sing, 'I am a child of Gold.'" -Rima Singia
Actual lyrics:
"Has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear."
"I am a child of God, And He has sent me here."
"Teach me all that I must do, To live with Him someday."
"I am a child of God, And so my needs are great."
"Baptism"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Jesus came to John the 'Batman' . . . and was baptized by 'emergency' in the river Jordan flow." -Sarah Williams
Actual lyrics:
"Jesus came to John the Baptist, In Judea long ago, And was baptized by immersion In the River Jordan's flow."
"Hosanna"
Misheard Lyrics:
"My niece came home from Primary one day and told her mom . . . that they sang about Santa in Primary. Her mom said, 'Are you sure you sang about Santa?' 'Yes, it said 'Oh Santa, oh Santa all hail triumphant King'. . . I love kids." -Leslee Bushell Coates
Actual lyrics:
"Hosanna! Hosanna! All hail, triumphant King!"
"Hinges"
Misheard Lyrics:
"A very young Primary kid in our ward once asked his mum what 'crap' means. His mum asked where he heard it. He said in Primary, in the song that ends like this 'but I have to be hinges or else I would crap!'" -Heart Peroy-Rabacal
Actual lyrics:
"But I have to be hinges, or else I would crack!"
"Little Purple Pansies"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'Little purple panties touched with yellow gold.' I used to wonder why we were singing about underwear in Primary and how embarrassing, the yellow part!" -Leslie Legge Dannelly
Actual Lyrics
"Little purple pansies, touched with yellow gold."
"When I Am Baptized"
Misheard Lyrics:
"In the Baptism song, a few of our daughters thought it said, 'I know when I am baptized my arms are washed away.' Scary thought for them." -Teri Andy Wariner
"I know when I am baptized my lungs are washed away." -Julie Hornbeck Sintay
Actual Lyrics
"I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away."
"When He Comes Again"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'Because he said in days gone by, Smother them to come to me.' Had my hubby (as a child) worried about going to Primary." -Nancy Stout
Actual Lyrics
"Because he said in days gone by, 'Suffer them to come to me.'"
"I Hope They Call Me on a Mission"
Misheard Lyrics:
"When my youngest daughter was about three she used to sing, 'I hope they call me on a bishop.'" -Nancy Ramirez Powell
"I ALWAYS WONDERED about a three or for legged missionary!" -Bonnie McBride
"When our son was little he sang, 'I hope they call me on a mission when I have got to 42.'" -Pat Crisp
"To teach and preach and work like missionary stew." -Ginger O'Gaffney
Actual Lyrics
"I hope they call me on a mission, When I have grown a foot or two."
"To teach and preach and work as missionaries do."
"Follow the Prophet"
Misheard Lyrics:
"Follow the Prophet, don't cross the street." -Anonymous
"My son used to sing follow the puppet." -Kim Collier
"Swallow the Prophet, swallow the prophet!" -Melissa Conrad Brettelle
"The Sunbeams in our ward used to sing, 'Follow the prophet, don't go strange.'" -Jerald Jolley
Actual Lyrics
"Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, don't go astray."
"Book of Mormon Stories"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'Given this land, if you hid, right your sleeves.' Book of Mormon Stories sung by my 3-year-old." -Amanda Boyer Van Orden
"Book Mobilen' stories that my teacher tells to me." -Taryn Brooks
"When I was in Primary, at the end I thought it was 'right asleep.'" -Josh Jakes
Actual Lyrics
"Book of Mormon stories that my teacher tells to me."
"Giv'n the land if they lived righteously."
"You've Had a Birthday"
Misheard Lyrics:
"'You've had a birthday, shout for hay.' My 4yo cried because she didn't want hay!" -Lisa Parker Isaak
Actual Lyrics
"You've had a birthday; shout 'Hooray!'"
"We'll Bring the World His Truth"
Misheard Lyrics:
"We are as the army of helium." -Anonymous
Actual Lyrics
"We are as the army of Helaman."
"In the Leafy Treetops"
Misheard Lyrics:
"In my pretty garden, the flowers are naughty." -Krystal Lunceford
Actual Lyrics
"In my pretty garden, the flowers are nodding."
Bonus:
These might not be official hymns or Primary songs, but they are too great not to mention:
"My neighbor taught me a song from her church—'Gladly the Cross I'd Bear'—I thought it was about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly!" -Mareen Layton
"Eternal marriage. Primary child asked, 'Turtle marriage?'" -KC Harding
Source: https://www.ldsliving.com/hilarious-misheard-hymn-lyrics-that-will-make-you-laugh-out-loud/s/76445
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